The Two Faces of Perfectionism: How It Impacts Happiness and Why Embodiment Can Help

One of the biggest barriers to happiness and health is perfectionism- a word that brings up something different for everyone. 

Perfectionism is widely misunderstood because it doesn’t refer to one way of thinking or mode of operation. There are two types of perfectionism. We can think of them like Jekyll and Hyde.

Indulge me with a sidestep- have you seen the Netflix show, Wednesday? 

Perfectionism voices are not part of our LOVE energy or wise inner SELF.

Spoiler alert! If you are watching it now, I’m sorry!

But my 8-year old daughter and I just finished season 2- which is mediocre parenting because the monster in it, a hyde, is terrifying! (Although my horror-genre-loving daughter thought him “adorable”).

The hyde's Jekyll, a barista named Tyler, is handsome and helpful to Wednesday as she falls for his charm. I too fell for him- actor Hunter Doohan is a doll.

But what does my harmless old lady crush have to do with perfectionism? 

Basically, the hyde form is maladaptive perfectionism. The Jekyll is adaptive perfectionism. If you are an adaptive perfectionist, it helps you to be successful, is packaged with self-compassion, and basically charming. If maladaptive perfectionism is lurking within, it’s a part of you that is mean, demanding, judgmental, slightly sociopathic, and can activate our nervous system responses- namely freeze or fight/flight- which can feel draining and deplete us.

Let’s dig in a bit more and talk about how embodiment helps transform the Hyde back into a dreamy sidekick. 

Understanding Perfectionism

We live in a world that constantly pushes us to do more, be more, and appear perfect. For many, this drive can slip into maladaptive perfectionism—the kind that makes us hypercritical of ourselves, anxious about mistakes, and disconnected from our own needs. But what if part of the solution isn’t just changing how we think, but changing how we feel in our own bodies?

Embodiment Synthesis and How It Relates To Perfectionism

Recent research on embodiment, including the embodiment synthesis, coined by Lundh & Foster, shows that our mental health is deeply intertwined with how we experience our bodies. 

The embodiment synthesis is the integration of two aspects of bodily experience: “having a body”—seeing the body as an object, something visible and socially evaluated—and “being a body”—feeling the body from within, sensing its needs, movements, and signals. When we can connect these two perspectives, we cultivate a body that is both sensing and sensed. In other words, we are not just living in a body; we are actively living through it.

For those struggling with maladaptive perfectionism, moving from the objectifying “having” mindset to the befriending “being with and in” kind of body connection can be profoundly healing. Much of perfectionism stems from disconnection—judging the self from the outside, focusing on standards, approval, and mistakes, while neglecting internal cues and feelings. 

Learning to befriend the body—to notice sensations without judgment, honor hunger, fullness, tension, or ease—provides a counterbalance to the relentless “do more, be more” mindset and go-go-go energy of our culture. It opens the door to self-compassion, because when we listen to the body, we naturally cultivate care, patience, and curiosity about ourselves.

What is embodiment?

Adaptive Perfectionism: The Good Kind

Embodiment practices—whether gentle movement, mindful eating, interoceptive awareness, or simply pausing to notice how the body feels—support the development of adaptive perfectionism.

Adaptive perfectionists are helpful- like Hunter Doohan to Wednesday- but they also might hold high personal standards and be well organized. The standards are reasonable and flexible, though, and adaptive perfectionists enjoy this process of goal setting and achieving. They feel in flow- the somatic sense is one that is calm, process-oriented, and self-compassionate in the face of failures. Failures are expected and welcomed as part of the process of success. Adaptive perfectionism is connected to values.

There’s a high degree of listening to intuition as well- connecting to SELF- or what I call our LOVE energy. 

Embodiment practices support adaptive perfectionism, help maintain high standards without self-punishment, reduce rumination, and navigate mistakes with grace- because when we are connected to our authentic selves and our LOVE energy, our bodily and soul needs- embodiment becomes a bridge that helps us shift from being trapped in self-criticism to living with self-kindness, resilience, and emotional attunement.

Ultimately, learning to live through our bodies, not just in them, allows us to be our highest and brightest self. 

It’s also a mental health strategy. By integrating “having” and “being” our bodies, we cultivate a sense of being grounded and self-trust that directly softens the grip of maladaptive perfectionism. The body becomes not a source of scrutiny, but a trusted companion—a place to feel, heal, and move forward with both high standards and deep self-compassion. This allows for emotional regulation as we become more aware of our triggers and somatic cues that let us know what we need and how we are feeling. 

Mediating Factors of Perfectionism 

Just like the hyde in Wednesday, maladaptive perfectionism has a master (or many masters!). Things like fear, doubt, trauma history, low or externally-sourced self-worth, or unreasonably high external standards breed in us our own unique version of hyde. 

After befriending our body with embodiment practices- which I can help you do through virtual sessions- there are other things that bring the Jekyll back into the light. They mediate, or support, the development of adaptive perfectionism. It doesn’t operate in isolation. Here are factors that help mediate adaptive perfectionism:

• Self-efficacy: Confidence in one’s ability to manage challenges. Adaptive perfectionists tend to have higher self-efficacy, which buffers stress, while maladaptive perfectionists often feel less capable, amplifying distress. Supporting self-efficacy by celebrating little wins is massively helpful.

• Emotional dysregulation: Difficulty managing emotions is a hallmark of maladaptive perfectionism and explains much of its impact on interpersonal problems and psychological distress. Tuning into how you feel when you are beginning to feel dysregulated and finding adaptive coping mechanisms can support increased emotional attunement and regulation.

• Self-compassion: Being kind to oneself can protect against the negative effects of perfectionism. Adaptive perfectionists report higher self-compassion, which correlates with lower anxiety and depression. Practicing pulling in a nurturing voice is vital.

• Resilience: While resilient traits help manage stress, some studies suggest that resilience alone may not fully offset the psychological costs of maladaptive perfectionism, but it’s a good start to work on seeing adversity as a gift and trying to recover after frustration. This trait can be hard to train, as it is deeply ingrained in us, but it can get better over time when coupled with the other mediating factors.

  
  

Final thoughts

Perfectionism is not inherently harmful—it is the maladaptive, rigid, self-critical forms that undermine mental and physical health and happiness. By cultivating self-compassion, emotional regulation, and safe avenues for disclosure, and by addressing past trauma, we can shift toward healthier patterns of striving.

Looking for support? I’d love to support you through happiness coaching, that addresses your entire life, nutrition therapy for perfectionism around food, or embodiment coaching for body image. Reach out today for a free discovery call- you hyde can be loved and welcomed and transformed for good. 

Citations

1. Frost, R. O., Marten, P., Lahart, C., & Rosenblate, R. (1990). The dimensions of perfectionism. This foundational work distinguished the characteristics of perfectionism, including the desire to be flawless, extremely high standards, and hypercritical performance concerns.

2. Neff, K. D. (2003). Development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. This source is crucial for defining self-compassion, consisting of three interrelated elements: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

3. Stoeber, J., & Otto, K. (2006). Positive conceptions of perfectionism: Approaches, evidence, challenges. This work defined perfectionism using two higher-order dimensions—Perfectionistic Strivings (PS) and Perfectionistic Concerns (PC)—and described the tripartite classification model of perfectionists (adaptive, maladaptive, and nonperfectionists).

4. Blatt, S. J. (1995). The destructiveness of perfectionism: Implications for the treatment of depression. This source highlights the pathological view of perfectionism, linking it to adverse outcomes like suicidal ideation and depression.

5. Hughes, K. et al. (2017). The effect of multiple adverse childhood experiences on health: A systematic review and meta-analysis. This meta-analysis supports the argument that childhood trauma (CT) significantly affects a person’s health over their lifetime, increasing the risk of both somatic diseases and psychiatric disorders, including depression.

6. Slaney, R. B., Rice, K. G., Mobley, M., Trippi, J., & Ashby, J. S. (2001). The revised almost perfect scale. This source outlines a widely used measure of perfectionism (APS-R) that assesses high standards and discrepancy, enabling the classification of individuals into adaptive, maladaptive, and nonperfectionists.

7. Hewitt, P. L., Flett, G. L., Mikail, S. F., Kealy, D. & Zhang, L. C. (2018). Perfectionism in the therapeutic context: the perfectionism social Disconnection model. This model (PSDM) posits that difficult experiences or abuse in childhood are important vulnerability factors favoring the development of perfectionism, often as an attempt to secure love, acceptance, and a sense of control.

8. Creed, W. E. Douglas, Hudson, Bryant Ashley, Okhuysen, Gerardo A., & Smith-Crowe, Kristin (2014). Swimming in a sea of shame: Incorporating emotion into explanations of institutional reproduction and change. This work conceptualizes shame as a powerful moral emotion and mechanism of social control, outlining a model of "systemic shame" that operates within communities to specify what is shameful.

9. Curran, T., & Hill, A. P. (2017). Perfectionism is increasing over time: A meta-analysis of birth cohort differences from 1989 to 2016. This meta-analysis suggests that students report greater levels of perfectionism than previous generations, a trend that coincides with rising prevalence rates of psychological conditions in university students.

10. Smith, M. M., Sherry, S. B., Vidovic, V., Hewitt, P. L. & Flett, G. L. (2020). Why does perfectionism confer risk for depressive symptoms? A meta-analytic test of the mediating role of stress and social Disconnection. This study suggests that maladaptive perfectionism, which is based on perfectionist fears, helps predict the occurrence of major depression